Tam’s Diaries











{May 13, 2006}   Blogger’s Block

I know i have been away. It's been more than a month, i haven't written anything. Its not that i don't have anything to write about. So much has been happening in my life. Its just that i am bored of writing blogs. Rehan, find me something else now :)

I got engaged on 14th April. It was a small family affair. And i got my ring :) Kashif is one of the sweetest and the most wonderful person i've met for quite some time. And the best thing is that we get along really welll :)

And since then i have been sick :-(

Back to work on Monday….. Same ol' Shifa, same ol' Shifa….. 



{April 3, 2006}   Another Bad Day

Went to the cafe for tea, couldn't find anything, went to the tuck shop. Had a cup of coffee. An hour later i realized i can't find my flashy hot pink motorazor. When my friend called on my number, a guy picked up and said he will be waiting for us in the cafe.

Moral of the story: Always delete your messages in the inbox!

(People who happen to visit shifa cafeteria, please be nice and kind to the short middle-aged man with a beard who makes coffee for you. There are still some nice people around :-)



{April 2, 2006}   Prozac Nation

Yesterday i was going through my movies and came across this movie Prozac Nation that i bought in Lahore last year but never got a chance to watch and then totally forgot about it. I regret not watching it earlier!

Prozac Nation

It is a true story based on the book "Prozac Nation" an autobiography by Elizabeth Wertzel. Christina Ricci (Buffallo'66-fame) plays the role of Elizabeth. It is about the young and depressed in America. Elizabeth, a Harvard undergrad with a scholarship, is an egotistical young writer battling clinical depression who turns to sex, drugs and finally prozac to find a way out but that only leads her to self-destruction.

I never thought of Ricci as a brilliant actress but i've always found her innocence simply irresistible. The movie couldn't manage to get nice reviews as it is being compared with "Girl interrupted", "American pie" but this just seems more real to me. Its for everybody who felt emotionally messed up at least once in his lifetime :-)

And one of the best things about the movie is the soundtrack. Set in the 80s, there are tracks from The Pretenders, Lou Reed and Bruce Springsteen. You will love it!

Now i have to get the book though i doubt i will find it here in Islamabad.



{March 27, 2006}   Black Holes & Brain Drains

For the first time in Pakistan, three Nobel Laureates got together to meet young Pakistani students and professionals for 5 days (27th-31st March) in Islamabad and Lahore. 

I was requested to render my services as a volunteer to escort the professors and their wives and show them around along with some other people. That means i get three days off from college. I certainly didn't think twice about it :-)

The whole conference is arranged by HEC, MoST & PAEC. Initially 5, 6 laureates agreed to  come but then Pakistan was declared as one of the 10 most dangerous countries to travel (others include Iraq, Afghanistan and many African countries) so most of them changed their minds. The ones who finally agreed to come include Prof. Charles Townes and Prof. Giaever (USA) and Prof. Hooft (Netherlands).  Good enough! 

So today was the first day of the conference and it was quite interesting. The Prime Minister inaugrated it and we were not allowed to take anything inside, not even my water bottle! The professors were not expecting this but we managed to convince them that this is how it works in Pakistan :)   The PM's speech was quite impressive though. He said he has lived and worked in 10 different countries and noticed that people are the same everywhere. Its the availability of the opportunities which makes all the difference. I think i like him :-)

Prof. Giaver's lecture was quite amusing. He was born in Norway and studied to become a mechanical engineer. In Norway the worse your grades are, the higher your GPA is. So his GPA was quite bad (4.0) in his country. But when he applied for admission in the USA, he got admitted in one of the best universities as they thought he was a genius who scored 4.0 :-) He was basically a mechanical engineer and then he switched to Physics and these days he is working in Biophysics (comparing behavior of normal mammalian and cancer cells on electrodes). I think he can be an inspiration for me :)

But the most interesting lectures was on blackholes by Prof. Hooft. (yes i wanted to be an astrophysicist once but then i wanted to become so many other things as well) He made it sound so simple. There is a shell of particles with this force of attraction between them so it starts to shrink. And then it croses this imaginary, theoretical line. Once inside this magical line, the particles can't escape. And the shell keeps on shrinking till it all merges on one point. That is where all the laws of physics fail and we don't understand what is happening at that point! This is the simple part. The rest was a bit too complicated for me, the quantum coherence and the superstring theory. If you reverse the whole thing, it becomes a white hole! An astronaut crossing the horizon of the black hole will feel himself going through it but for an observer he'd still be standing at the horizon. So for a different definition of time, we have to use a different definition of particle (I didn't understand the line but it sounds nice ) I have always found black holes to be one of the most beautiful mysteries of nature… 

And finally we had panel discussions on energy requirements in Pakistan, education and policy making and finally social v/s physical sciences. Prof. Ata-ur-Rehman made a very eloquent speech about how many PhD students they are going to produce in the next few years. I don't really agree with him so finally i got my chance to confront him. We are offering so many postgraduate scholarships to students in local Pakistani universities. As far as medicine is concerned, we all know its not worth it. So I feel it is going to create more frustration when after a few years these young professionals will realize that they don't stand a chance in front of foreign-qualified professionals. They ignored my question for good half an hour and finally Prof. Ata admitted what our universities have to offer is below average and that they are thinking of sending those people abroad for post-doctoral courses. I'm not really satisfied. This is not going to make any difference to the quality of education we have here in our universities. The issue is not to create more PhDs, it is the lack of science culture in our educational institutes. 

I remember my visit to Jawahar Lal Nehru Univeristy, New Delhi last year in November. I got to talk to many students and you can feel the difference. Our educational system stresses less on creativity and more on getting good scores. Our students' attitudes are very disappointing as well. Most of them are not bothered about social, political and scientific issues concerning the world today. Those who can think are too busy criticizing everything because that's the easiest way out. We have to learn how to be critical and find solutions rather than keep on talking about the problems! Whereas the Indian students i got to talk to were brimming with knowledge and intellect. Things were different when we were students… we were young, idealistic, revolutionary, progressive, unselfish. I wonder where did it all go wrong…

I think i talk more about politics and physics than medicine :) My head hurts now and there are two more days to go……  



{March 14, 2006}   Getting Old, Getting Bored!

Wishlist….

1. Somebody spills a 10 liter container of formaline on the college stairs…. everybody gets a day off……

2. I don’t have to wear an armband on my engagement ceremony :-(

3. No grand weddings :-( :-( :-(

4. No misery ……. no disease ………… no need for cures ……… no medicine ……. no doctors ……. no med schools …….. no shifa ………. no lectures at 8 ………. :-)

5. A cuddly bear :-(

(to be continued …. when i am in one of these moods again :-) )



{March 5, 2006}   Mass Destruction

Whether long range weapon or suicide bomber
Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether you’re soraway sun or BBC 1
Disinformation is a weapon of mass destruction
You could be a Caucasian or a poor Asian
Racism is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether inflation or globalization
Fear is a weapon of mass destruction
Whether Halliburton or Enron or anyone
Greed is a weapon of mass destruction
We need to find courage, overcome
Inaction is a weapon of mass destruction

My story stops here, lets be clear
This scenario is happening everywhere
And you ain’t going to nirvana or farvana
You’re coming right back here to live out your karma
With even more drama than previously, seriously
Just how many centuries have we been
waiting for someone else to make us free
And we refuse to see
That people overseas suffer just like we
Bad leadership and ego’s unfettered and free
Who feed one the people they’re supposed to lead
I don’t need good people to pray and wait
For the lord to make it all straight
There’s only now, do it right.
Cos I don’t want your daddy, leaving home tonight

“Faithless”



{March 3, 2006}   Future

Tokamak :-)



{February 27, 2006}   My Deadly Sins

Today, i committed the following deadly sins ….

1. SLOTH:
7 am: Damn its monday.
8 am: Shit, i’m still in bed.
9 am: To go or not to go….its too cold to get out of my bed….
10 am: Hey Nazish, I’m not feeling well. Can you please tell Dr. Nadeem
10:05 am: Sweet dreams :-)

2. ENVY: 
Why are some people so lucky…. they don’t have to get up at 7 am :-(

3. ANGER:
What the hell am i doing in Shifa College anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. GREED:
Well it pays for my clothes and shoes :-S

5. PRIDE:
Everybody loves me…..No matter how lame i sound, they won’t kick me out of Shifa…… ;-) They can’t afford to lose me…..

6. GLUTTONY:
Mom made meatballs ….one, two, three….who cares… i won’t get fat anyway :-D

So now i am left with LUST only…… I don’t consider that a sin anyway :-D



{February 26, 2006}   Imagine


According to an article published in Newsweek (Feb 27, 2006) internet giants like Yahoo, Google and Microsoft have been kowtowing to the Chinese government by helping them maintain the Great Firewall of China filtering out politically sensitive search terms. They even lead authorities to users who have offended the regime. One such user Shi Tao is now serving in prison for divulging state secrets. But now millions of Chinese have taken to blogging in the last couple of years speaking out as fast as they can type!!!

China is a lovely place to be …. the diversity of culture …. the variety of food …. going everyday on a buying spree ….. and the recent economy boom …… I simply fell in love with the place. But i always used to wonder if i’d have felt the same if i was Chinese and living there. May be not!

 All the young Chinese people i met were very energetic, hardworking and dedicated to their professions and their country. But i always got a feeling that you can’t really get too close to them. They can just be your friends, not your best buddies. I could never really tell if they were just like this or it was because i was a foreigner. They were always reluctant to discuss their politics or state affairs but one thing they couldn’t hide was the frustration that years of repression have instilled in them. They were all desperate to get out of their country and they all wanted to end up in the US of A :) By the way all they know about the US of A is what they have seen in the movies. So they think that all American men are like Brad Pitt. All American women look like Jennifer Aniston. If you ask them what Utopia means they will probably reply “Mei gua” (chinese for America). In fact the word Meiguo literally means ‘Beautiful country’ :) …..

The locals are not allowed to watch international channels. That’s a privilege only foreigners can enjoy. And even they have to watch censored news. The outside world doesn’t know what’s going on inside China and the Chinese don’t know what’s going on outside China. I felt totally out of touch with the international political scene while i was there. I felt so detached and i am sure that is how everyone else around me felt.

Tianjin, China

But all in all I would love to go and live there again ……. Zhong gua, wo hen xiang ni … :)

 



et cetera